Hmong Wedding: The Wedding Day
Posted on 07 June 2011
On the wedding day, after all those long and hard hours, chores and ceremony. The wedding starts early in the morning with animals (normally one or two pigs or a cow, depending on how big the family is doing the wedding) are butchered for the wedding feast, vegetables are washed, cleaned and food are then prepared. Once food are ready at about noon a long table is set for the men and a table is set for a buffet for the women and children in another area. After all the men eat another set of food are place on the long table, this time it’s not anything fancy, just food to sober up the alcohol from the drinking that will be going on. Heavy drinking will be going on during a Hmong wedding. On the long table at one end, one mej koob on the bride’s parent’s side and one meej koob on the groom’s side will sit at one end of the table and so with the other end of the table. The groom and the best man and a few of his relative or close friends and also the bride’s close male family members and cousins will sit in the table with the elders. Drinks are passed around the table for hours and I mean for hours, one to a few hours while they talk about the wedding and gifts and so forth.
At a certain point of the wedding, towards the end the bride and her green lady will get dressed in her native Hmong clothes. At this time her mother would normally give her a few quick lectures/and life lessons, how to treat her new family and husband and what is expected of her. Once she and the green lady is dressed they stand by the long table as her family and cousins welcome the groom and the green lady into the family with a can or shot of beer. When the welcoming is over the bride and groom stands along the table and listen to all her elders give the bride and groom a few lecture and life lessons. Everyone cries, hugs and all the above. More drinking and a whole lot of bowing.
All gifts are documented including cash and any items given to the bride and groom. The expected gifts from the brides parent’s are normally a few traditional outfits, a few sets of coin pockets and coin waistband (Hmong clothes items), traditional Hmong hats, a blanket or two, some pots and pans and a few hundred or even thousand dollar cash. And gifts from family member and friends will be documented just as well. Towards the end of the wedding a copy of the gift list will be given to the brides’s parent’s mej koob and one to the groom’s parent’s mej koob which later will be handed to the parents, cash gifts and items will be read in front of the elders and the bride and groom so that everyone is clear of the gifts and nothing is kept a secret.
They wedding continue with more drinking and more bowing until the groom’s mej koob ask for the umbrella back, once the umbrella is given back to the groom’s mej koob a song or two will be sung by the mej koob and then more bowing for the groom and the best man. The bride then must say her good byes to all her friends and family, once she walks out the door she is not allowed to look back at any one.
Hmong people are a very superstitious group of people. Hmong people believe that it is bad omen for the bride to look back once she has walked out the door, they believe that if she looks back that mean she will never forget her past and her life will go backward instead of forward, as in she’ll never overcome battles. We also believe that the bridal party must leave the wedding before dark or their life will be filled with sorrow and bad omen, their life will be filled with darkness, never successful. Any pepper dishes are NOT allowed at Hmong weddings, it is believed that because pepper are spicy the newlywed’s life will be spicy as well; no happy days but are in constant arguments sorrow.
On the way out two of the bride’s closest male cousin or two cousins that are picked for the part will have to hand over items to the groom and the best man. One cousin will return the blanket the bridal party brought the night before, the blanket will be tied the same way as the night before so the groom can carry it back. Another cousin will hand over the pack/basket with 2 chickens, rice and salt to the groom, he will have to carry it back.
Once everyone is settle into the car the bridal party will then drive back to the groom’s house. Before entering the home they must have their meal and more ritual to come, that will be in another post.
Click here for the negotiation ritual
Click here for the hu plig khi tes ritual
Click here for the fi xov ritual
3 responses to Hmong Wedding: The Wedding Day
Don’t forget…(I just found this out my last green lady experience)
The main dishes on the table has to be set evenly…meaning no odd numbers. The rice and chasers(pork&ginger) cannot be odd numbers. The other dishes are just for looks so it doesn’t really matter but the Mej Koob from the groom’s side will determine if the table is “zoo nkauj” enough or else the bride’s side will get “blua”. Crazy men rules…*roll eyes*
The elders from the bride’s side will also ask the bride if she has any existing photos of her past relationships and or guy friends to present in front of everyone. If she does, they will keep for future references or throw it away. They do this to prevent future infidelity and so the groom’s side of the family knows that she is willing to leave everything behind for the groom.
The green lady(bridesmaid) is the eyes and ears watching over every move the bride makes. If she does anything inappropriate, it is the green lady’s duty to tattle on the bride. She is also the bride’s bodyguard. – My mom told me that green ladies were originally used back in the old days when men used to “kidnap” their wives and then the wedding day comes, they used the green lady to make sure the bride doesn’t escape or run off with her real lover because she is not allowed to go anywhere until the wedding day. (interesting)
To add to it, sometimes when the bride’s side drinks way too much even after they finish the mej koob part, the groom’s side will literally grab all their people and run out before the bride’s side traps them in and they’ll get to drink more. When that happens, the phib laj and groom should grab their basket and blanket before the bride’s brothers/cousins does or else they will get stalled at the door and have to drink the last two shots..which are usually hard liquor for them to be able to receive their packages and leave.
Omg..I had my uncles pushed me out the door without my shoes in the middle of winter before. LOL It’s actually funny and everyone laughs it off in the car ride back home.
So yeah…if we go into every details, there’s more to write than we can ever speak or understand.